Bella arrived for her visit on Friday. It is almost 3 months since her sire, Hawk, suddenly died. Bella’s litter was born shortly thereafter. She is almost 10 weeks old.
When I saw the litter, she caught my attention, she has her papa’s soulful eyes. The litter owner chose to keep her. I would have made the same choice. There is something very special about a puppy. Something very healing. A puppy oozes bliss.
When I had a bad day of bone pain, Hawk would lay at my side. It was easier to breath through the ache. I often wondered if he would be big enough the help steady me as the bone disorder destroyed my ability to walk.
Earlier this year when my old girl died at 16½ (very old for a retriever), he spent the better part of two weeks staying by my side. Neither of us knew at that time that death would separate us so soon.
These passing weeks I have been haunted by dreams of his sound as he struggled for breath. In the palm of my hand I can still feel the cessation of his heartbeat. There was nothing we could do to save him. We could only help him pass when the struggle became suffering.
There was a moment, when his gaze held mine and it was clear he knew he was dying. He worried about me to the end.
Our pets are not like children. They are not people. They hold a different place in our hearts, their own place. Some people may not understand what I mean, that’s okay.
So, today, as I see the similarities to Hawk in his daughter, I can’t help but have that ache tug at my heart. I am not ready for another puppy. The time will come, but not now.
Bella is just here for a visit, she goes home tomorrow night. As you can see, she has her papa’s soulful eyes.